iMessage and FaceTime

Already on every iPhone, iPad and Apple Watch, with no minimum age of its own. For a lot of children it is the first place a stranger can reach them, and it is the app parents forget to look at because nobody chose to install it.

Menu names shift between software versions and between phone makers. If a name here does not match what you see, look for something close by rather than assuming the setting is gone.

1. 1

   Set Communication Limits

   This is the real control here, and unlike most filters it blocks rather than warns. Apple's wording: if someone blocked by your limits tries to call or message, their communication will not go through, and it works in both directions.

   Settings → Screen Time → [your child] → Communication Limits

   1. Turn on Contacts in iCloud first, or the setting has nothing to work from.
   2. Set During Screen Time to the level below.
   3. Set During Downtime, which can be narrowed further to specific contacts.

   Recommended by age

   Under 7	Contacts Only, and Specific Contacts during downtimeOnly people you have approved can reach them. Nobody else can message, call or speak to them.
   7–11	Contacts OnlyOnly people you have approved can reach them. Nobody else can message, call or speak to them.
   11–12	Contacts OnlyOnly people you have approved can reach them. Nobody else can message, call or speak to them.
   13–15	Contacts & Groups with at Least One ContactOnly people you have approved can reach them. Nobody else can message, call or speak to them.
   16–17	Agree it together. Everyone is a reasonable landing point by this ageAnyone on the platform can reach them.

   The middle option is called Contacts & Groups with at Least One Contact. It allows one-to-one chats with people in their contacts, plus group chats where at least one member is a contact. Emergency numbers your carrier recognises always get through, whatever you set.

   Who holds this: You set this from your own account, and your child cannot change it back.

   If someone is being cruel to them

   Communication Limits genuinely block, which is rare. But they work on people who are not in their contacts, and bullying usually comes from someone who is.

2. 2

   Check Communication Safety is on, and know what it will not do

   It spots nudity in photos and videos on the device itself, both arriving and about to be sent. What it does not do is tell you. Parents assume this one alerts them, and it does not, so it is worth knowing before you rely on it.

   Settings → Screen Time → [your child] → Communication Safety

   1. Confirm it is on. For under-18s it is on by default on current software.
   2. For an under-13, viewing the blurred photo needs your Screen Time passcode, so that gate is real.

   It covers Messages, AirDrop, FaceTime, contact posters, shared albums and some third-party apps. Detection happens on the device, and Apple's words are that it does not receive an indication that nudity was detected and does not get access to the photos or videos. There is one route by which Apple does see it, and it is worth knowing rather than being a footnote: your child can choose to report the content in iMessage or FaceTime, and then the sensitive content is sent to Apple for review. Apple may pass reports to law enforcement and act on the sender's account. For under-13s the feature also prompts the child to start a conversation with you, which is the design. It points them at you rather than reporting to you.

   Who holds this: You set this from your own account, and your child cannot change it back.

3. 3

   Turn on Screen Unknown Senders

   It moves messages from numbers they do not know into a separate list, so they stop arriving as notifications. It sorts rather than blocks, so treat it as tidying up rather than a wall.

   Messages → the icon at the top right of the conversation list → Manage Filtering

   1. Open Messages and tap the icon at the top right of the conversation list.
   2. Open Manage Filtering and turn on Screen Unknown Senders.

   This setting moved. It used to live in Settings, then Messages, and it was called Filter Unknown Senders. One documented hole: filtering stops applying to anyone they have replied to three times or more. On a child's Apple Watch there is no equivalent setting, because there is no Messages app to open on your behalf. Communication Limits is the control that does the work there.

   Who holds this: This lives in your child's own settings, so they can change it back. There is no parent-side lock for it.

4. 4

   Turn it off entirely if they are too young for it

   For a young child on a hand-me-down iPad, the honest answer is often that they do not need messaging at all. Turning the app off hides it rather than deleting it, so nothing is lost when you turn it back on.

   Content & Privacy Restrictions → Allowed Apps & Features

   1. Open Allowed Apps & Features.
   2. Turn off what they do not need yet.

   Recommended by age

   Under 7	Messages and FaceTime off
   7–11	FaceTime on for family, Messages limited to contacts
   11–12	Both on, contacts only
   13–15	Both on
   16–17	Both on

   Apple documents how this screen works but does not publish the full list of what appears on it, so check what is actually there on the device rather than expecting a particular name. This works for the watch too, from the same Screen Time screen.

   Who holds this: You set this from your own account, and your child cannot change it back.

5. 5

   Add a device-level backstop

   These settings cover Messages and FaceTime. A device-level control catches whatever they install next.

   1. Set the device controls too, from the guide for their iPhone, iPad or Mac.

Menus move. If something on screen does not match these steps, check the official link above.